A deep “yes” is far better than a dreaded “no.”

Let me explain.

Momentum—real, sustained, continuous progress over decades—never comes from pressure alone. It doesn’t last when it’s driven by fear, obligation, or a constant sense of what we must avoid. Whether in life or ministry, the healthiest and most enduring momentum comes from a deep, settled yes.

That’s what I mean by a deep “yes” is far better than a dreaded “no.”

That doesn’t mean there are no binding “no’s” in life. There absolutely are—and some of them are healthy, necessary, and life-giving. Marriage is a perfect example. When a man and woman say a deep, covenantal “yes” to one another, that “yes” naturally creates many preserving “no’s.” But those “no’s” only hold their weight because the “yes” is deeper than them. The “yes” comes first, and the “no’s” serve it.

This is where wisdom from the past still helps us today, such as these words that many have repeated: “Rules without relationship breed rebellion, and relationship without rules breeds anarchy.”

The first is a “no” lifestyle without any meaningful “yes.” The second is a “yes” lifestyle without any surrounding “no’s.”

What’s needed is both, but always in the proper order. And the proper order is a deep yes, with surrounding no’s.

So let me ask you something personal—not abstract, not theoretical: What is your deep “yes” in life? What is your deep “yes” in ministry?

Essentially, what is the deep “win” you’re rightfully pursuing that propels and guides you in both arenas?

Some further observations.

• While there is an overarching / underlying “yes,” what I call a primary yes, there are secondary ones, too. I believe you can have more than one; in fact, most of us do. But they exist in a prioritized fashion. Think of them as “nesting yeses”—descending commitments that flow out of a central “yes.” When those yeses are clear, they bring remarkable clarity to everything else.
• For the sake of this post, we’re assuming these yeses are biblical. In light of that, let me add that everyone’s deep “yes” doesn’t need to be the same. They don’t need to be identical. Scripture actually gives us freedom here. We’re told that each servant ultimately stands or falls before his own Master (), which means there is room—real room—for many faithful expressions of obedience among us. Different callings. Different emphases. Different assignments. Different “yeses.”
• There is an important distinction to consider: Your personal yeses are largely independent. Your ministry yeses must be interdependent. So when it comes to you as an individual, think independently. But when it comes to you as an employee or team member or staff leader, think interdependently. Remember, you are part of a team; you have a seat on a bus going one direction. So though your life’s personal “yeses” can exist, in the right sense, in singularity, your ministry “yeses” cannot exist in isolation. They/it must complement the other “yeses” on the team, meaning we don’t just ask, “Is this right for me?” We also ask, “Is this right for us?”

What’s the benefit of living from a deep yes? A strong and deeply held yes helps us make decisions. It helps us receive criticism without becoming defensive. It helps us set priorities, guard schedules, and know what to say yes and no to—daily, monthly, and annually. When your “yes” is clear, you don’t react in a wishy-washy fashion. Instead, you respond in a wise manner.

If you’re still discerning what your deepest yes is, or deepest yeses are, here are a few questions that can help surface it/them:

• What does it look like for me to stand before God and give an account of what He has entrusted to me?
• When my work years are finished, what fruit do I hope to see?
• What do I want to hand off—and to whom?
• What comes to mind first when I think of the word legacy?
• What core values would I pursue regardless of location, position, or finances?

These aren’t the only questions, but they’re a strong place to begin.

Lastly, why does all of this matter? Because living from a deep yes is always healthier—for you and for the team—than living from a dreaded no. A deep yes doesn’t restrict life; it focuses it. It doesn’t drain energy; it directs it. And over time, it produces not just momentum, but joy, resilience, and faithfulness.

So today, take a moment and identify your deep yes and/or deep yeses. Format the phrase or sentence that encapsulates the overall “why” of your life. Then strengthen it. Use it. Live by it. And let the necessary “no’s” that flow from it find their proper place around it.